Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His nipple licking is glorious
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