I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
