1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
