we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
