if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
