she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
