I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
