they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
