I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize