Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
