He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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