fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
