I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
