Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
