Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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