Apparently you make a good broom.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
please come you make the beer taste better
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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