You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You've changed since you got that strap on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
