Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
