I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
