She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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