If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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