38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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