don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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