Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
