you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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