First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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