everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
