I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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