Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love having hate sex.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
