he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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