Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
