i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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