found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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