She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
