I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
