It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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