I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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