Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
