if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
