She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
