i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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