Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
