Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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