I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
