I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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