her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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