I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
