so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
