i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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