I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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