They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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