So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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