My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
