It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
