checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
