my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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