Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
