Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
