my mouth tastes like poor choices
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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