i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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