so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
