Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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