Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need a beard to bite.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize