You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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