12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
