If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
