The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
