Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
