you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
