I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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