I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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