im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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