Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential

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(330): I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential http://tfl.nu/2wmk

Replies (5) Good night (3146) Bad night (1034)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.

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(401): we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either. http://tfl.nu/u7gs

Replies (15) Good night (1231) Bad night (5712)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again

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(225): Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again http://tfl.nu/n0xl

Replies (5) Good night (3199) Bad night (1118)
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(734): View more from Michigan

How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?

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(734): How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together? http://tfl.nu/es97

Replies (64) Good night (1518) Bad night (4701)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.

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(304): as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now. http://tfl.nu/olha

Replies (8) Good night (3587) Bad night (1345)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.

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(774): It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world. http://tfl.nu/7olx

Replies (16) Good night (2742) Bad night (731)
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(208): View more from Idaho

The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo

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(208): The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo http://tfl.nu/5szi

Replies (8) Good night (3543) Bad night (680)
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(954): View more from Florida

You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say

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(954): You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say http://tfl.nu/ixst

Replies (6) Good night (2196) Bad night (568)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine

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(763): Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine http://tfl.nu/hxv4

Replies (6) Good night (1372) Bad night (496)
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(305): View more from Florida

You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...

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(305): You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol... http://tfl.nu/hrys

Replies (7) Good night (592) Bad night (981)
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(734): View more from Michigan

He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.

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(734): He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls. http://tfl.nu/b02k

Replies (6) Good night (2028) Bad night (442)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.

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(678): I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please. http://tfl.nu/k3b6

Replies (4) Good night (950) Bad night (572)
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(713): View more from Texas

It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.

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(713): It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards. http://tfl.nu/tzzb

Replies (6) Good night (837) Bad night (460)
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(303): View more from Colorado

It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.

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(303): It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple. http://tfl.nu/6uwz

Replies (1) Good night (548) Bad night (322)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you

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(606): Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you http://tfl.nu/pcwm

Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (317)

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