Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  batman just walked across the sidewalk

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  lay off the drugs

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no for real he was wearing a cape

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  (630): batman just walked across the sidewalk (1-630): lay off the drugs (630): no for real he was wearing a cape http://tfl.nu/eo01
  Replies (15) Good night (4886) Bad night (537)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.

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  (503): bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it. http://tfl.nu/wqus
  Replies (20) Good night (4414) Bad night (651)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am not joking.

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  (503): I just pulled a feather out of my vagina. (503): I am not joking. http://tfl.nu/l5ol
  Replies (30) Good night (1432) Bad night (3993)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow

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  (774): im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow http://tfl.nu/d8ac
  Replies (10) Good night (4309) Bad night (613)
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  (818): View more from California

  question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?

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  (818): question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all? http://tfl.nu/n95r
  Replies (6) Good night (3413) Bad night (953)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested

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  (612): Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested http://tfl.nu/tmq3
  Replies (5) Good night (1690) Bad night (757)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me

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  (416): this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me http://tfl.nu/7rt7
  Replies (9) Good night (3122) Bad night (746)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day

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  (904): Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day http://tfl.nu/vw4k
  Replies (6) Good night (1316) Bad night (816)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries

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  (865): I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries http://tfl.nu/egp0
  Replies (2) Good night (324) Bad night (640)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.

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  (715): I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall. http://tfl.nu/slbi
  Replies (0) Good night (487) Bad night (280)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?

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  (613): Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me? http://tfl.nu/ozdm
  Replies (6) Good night (363) Bad night (719)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.

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  (901): Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life. http://tfl.nu/oxrc
  Replies (5) Good night (625) Bad night (410)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep

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  (281): I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep http://tfl.nu/mi4b
  Replies (4) Good night (666) Bad night (457)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.

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  (513): The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex. http://tfl.nu/e8ga
  Replies (2) Good night (821) Bad night (244)
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  (818): View more from California

  You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.

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  (818): You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on. http://tfl.nu/jsq7
  Replies (2) Good night (720) Bad night (196)

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