Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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