Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.

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(903): I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion. http://tfl.nu/pxq1

Replies (15) Good night (713) Bad night (1935)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I wish costco sold astroglide.

(248): View more from Michigan

i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

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(313): I wish costco sold astroglide. (248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about. http://tfl.nu/mkwg

Replies (41) Good night (2988) Bad night (1197)
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(305): View more from Florida

I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.

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(305): I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner. http://tfl.nu/42gn

Replies (28) Good night (1758) Bad night (3469)
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(716): View more from New York

can you take me to a tanning bed

(1-716): View more from New York

sure, why though?

(716): View more from New York

i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious

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(716): can you take me to a tanning bed (1-716): sure, why though? (716): i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious http://tfl.nu/lgox

Replies (31) Good night (582) Bad night (6372)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

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(412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u

Replies (20) Good night (1173) Bad night (5845)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know where my bra went.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

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(303): I don't know where my bra went. (1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/03yq

Replies (22) Good night (7941) Bad night (1051)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room

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(864): i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room http://tfl.nu/jsw5

Replies (22) Good night (8007) Bad night (1377)
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(626): View more from California

in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"

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(626): in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to" http://tfl.nu/ga0k

Replies (19) Good night (5137) Bad night (1373)
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(765): View more from Indiana

It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.

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(765): It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night. http://tfl.nu/hkf5

Replies (13) Good night (2663) Bad night (1388)
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(925): View more from California

you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed

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(925): you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed http://tfl.nu/e4j9

Replies (11) Good night (992) Bad night (1712)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

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(814): She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow. http://tfl.nu/dddh

Replies (3) Good night (420) Bad night (1224)
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(214): View more from Texas

Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?

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(214): Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember? http://tfl.nu/njcl

Replies (2) Good night (587) Bad night (896)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.

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(931): So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating. http://tfl.nu/zfrb

Replies (9) Good night (1392) Bad night (514)
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(424): View more from California

The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "

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(424): The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here " http://tfl.nu/afkn

Replies (8) Good night (3061) Bad night (463)
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(702): View more from Nevada

The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.

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(702): The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me. http://tfl.nu/ddqk

Replies (3) Good night (311) Bad night (845)

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