I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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