One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.