I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize