toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
