im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
