Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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